467 - Chimp Update
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
A 200 lbs chimp, which was kept as a pet in Connecticut, had a history of violence. Possibly, just possibly, because he was a 200 pound chimp that was forced to live in Connecticut.

Here is what happened next:

The chimp got Lyme Disease. The chimp attacked a friend of his owner, then trying to get him off, the owner stabbed him with a kitchen knife and beat him with a shovel. For some reason known only to the chimp brain, getting stabbed by a kitchen knife and beaten with a shovel, made his mood worse. When the police responded, he broke a mirror on a car, causing him to be shot by the aforementioned police. Somehow, despite months of training and many semi-automatic handguns, the police mortally wounded him, but did not put him down right away. The chimp ran away and died slowly in what chimps call "horrible agony combined with fear and blind rage."

Also, the chimp was drugged with tea spiked with Xanax to try and calm him down. Turns out a side effect of this drug is to reduce stability in already unstable minds.

Wild animals should be left in the wild. If they are used for research or films (the latter of very little ethical merit), they should be returned to a sanctuary or zoo. Failing that, the animals should be killed forthwith to prevent further suffering. Wild animals (animals not specifically bred to be domestic, or by virtue of behavior suitable for the home) do not belong in our homes, they belong in theirs.

Chimp dead at 20
posted by High Power Rocketry @ Tuesday, February 17, 2009  
  • At 2/17/09, 10:13 PM, Blogger thimscool said…

    Wild animals should be left in the wild.

    Amen. And that wild should be protected by civilized animals.

  • At 2/17/09, 10:30 PM, Blogger R2K said…

    Ideally, small parts of the world will be reserved for large, efficient human cities (mega cities like Tokyo that will hold between 50 and 100 million people), and for farming.

    The balance, on the order of 115 Million Squared KM of land, and 320 Million KM of water should be protected as wildlife refuges. Human travel to these locations will be allowed only on condition of keeping damages to the smallest possible level (think backpacking in the woods).

    But this will never be.

  • At 2/17/09, 11:16 PM, Blogger thimscool said…

    Not without killing a lot of existing people and severely limiting freedom for those remaining.

    But if you've spent much time in an airplane, you know that most of North America is still unoccupied (though touched roughly by the loggers). It's not too late to buy up the unused land and declare development off limits.

    As for limited damages, we'll need to keep those cows from grazing, so you can do your part by limiting your consumption of beef, eh brother...

  • At 2/18/09, 3:49 AM, Blogger Arjan said…


  • At 2/18/09, 9:44 AM, Blogger R2K said…

    Yes ideally human population would be reduced drastically... but that is also very hard to do. Even if reproduction rates are made negative, it will take a century to reduce populations very much at all.

    Most of the land in the united states is owned by the BLM... and sadly most of this land has already been damaged. Almost all of the forests are now gone or greatly reduced.

    Obviously people would no longer eat meat.

  • At 2/18/09, 7:06 PM, Blogger Heff said…

    Aw, did you see the NY Post cartoon about the Chimp/Obama combo ?!?!?

  • At 2/18/09, 10:01 PM, Blogger R2K said…

    Yeah I think people are overreacting to it... but at the same time, these controversial jokes and comments and cartoons usually have one thing in common: they are guilty of not being funny.

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