563 - What do psychic douchebags have to say about MJ?
Friday, July 10, 2009

"Jack Rourke said no reputable medium or psychic will try to contact Jackson for at least six months." (What this likely sexual deviant fails to mention, is that the psychics who try for contact after the first six months are not reputable either.)

"Psychic Eddie Conner believes Jackson will be reincarnated in the next 20 years." (Sadly, Conner will never be reincarnated because his silk-assed shirt and matching ring will prevent his passage up to the spirit in the sky. PS: check out the size of his hand. According to my calculations, which may be flawed, his hand is nearly 10 inches in width, short span.)

"Numerologist Glynis McCants says that with his numbers, Jackson was a draw to fans." (McCants, aka Springfield Fats, takes loads of money by lying to people who have a real need for real advice in life. The difference between her and Madoff? Most people are not fooled by this crap, and she was unable to steal as much, and some people actually made money with Madoff.)

"LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- When Glynis McCants looks at Michael Jackson's life, she sees the number five."

I love how CNN covers this story at all, firstly, but also how they have to add a dateline to that statement. Stop the presses! All ships at sea... Dateline; July 10th, 2009. Some unknown numerologist has something vague to say about a recently dead, horrendous, world class drug addict with a sad life, but a great list of songs to his credit. And the comment is...


She goes on, and CNN.com dips ever lower into the swamp (sorry that is insulting to wetlands):

"His was 'six life path,' she said [even I can tell that is bad grammar], meaning he was magnetic and drew people to him. That, coupled with the fact that he was born on a two day made him irresistible, she said."

"If you are born on a two day and are a six life path then America and the world seem to fall in love with you," McCants said. It's almost as if you always get a shot with that energy if you shoot for stardom, and then you can sabotage it," McCants said. "Britney Spears was born on a two day, and she's a six life path; Lindsay Lohan was born on a two day, and she's a six life path; and Sarah Palin was born on a two day, and is a six life path."

Well guess what loyal readers... I am also from a 2 day. I have zero fame, and no one seems particularly drawn to me, other than women (your moms in particular.) I will gladly now list 3 easy steps that will let any reader get women to be drawn to them...

Wait Sarah Palin?

I did some quick, probably flawed math. Nearly 1/4th of the month is a 2 day, isn't that correct? So 20-22% of people are in this group? Also, I just found that Sarah Palin was born on February 11th. So not only is nearly 1/4th of the year made up of "2 days", but you also get all of February to boot! The only ones less special than the two and one day groups, would be the group born on "integer days."

You may be saying: "But wait, R2K, you brilliant brilliant 2 day bastard... what about the six life path?"

Well, my loyal reader, six life path is the "derived" part of your numerology reading. The kind that is a bit more complex, requires some charts and crystals, and demands a real life certified numerologist on hand. Or at least over the internet, radio, or using online software. How would they make any money if numerology was as simple as doing the math on your own?

No need for further ranting because this kind of pseudo science just looks dumb automatically. One need only cut and paste and laugh, then cry, then go eat something for a while, then play Quake 3, then laugh again.
posted by High Power Rocketry @ Friday, July 10, 2009  
  • At 7/11/09, 12:22 AM, Anonymous For no mere mortal can resist The evil of the thriller... said…

    I would have guessed he was a number 7, but then again I haven't really been drinking enough to superluminal tunnel into that part of my brain, so there is a chance that I am mistaken. I will imbibe a bit more and see what the cosmos has to offer on the subject.

  • At 7/11/09, 1:41 AM, Blogger thimscool said…

    Roger Penrose speculated the weak AI is possible and rejected strong AI because of the need for QM tunneling effects in the hardware that yields intelligence in the book The Emperor's New Mind.

    Soooo.... is that you, Butchie? I won't tell Leslie you hang out here.

  • At 7/11/09, 8:00 AM, Blogger Arjan said…

    psychics are all douches and none of them are reputable. Just can't fit those two words together.

    Great stuff though, I got the 2 day..now for the 6 path thingie..*grabs a random chart..*

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